Driving Test – I Failed but... I now have a toilet I can flush

You’re allowed 15 minor faults for a pass but no serious or dangerous faults funnily enough.

I got THREE serious faults. Oops! And a few minors.

The edited highlights are as follows

Went to car to do show me, tell me questions

Examiner, we’ll call him Mike, because that’s his name: ‘Show me how you would check the indicators were working without starting the ignition.’

I click the button the keys to open the car I then put the key in the car door and lock the car. I then get a little confused. Realise what I have done and push the key fob button again. Put the keys in the ignition and turn far enough to get indicators, put on left indicator then decide that if I put the hazards on all four will be on at the same time. Do this and walk round the car.

Mike: ‘Happy they work’

Me: ‘Yes’

We get in the car and the next question.

Mike: ‘Tell me how you could check the tyres to ensure sufficient depth’

Me: ‘No cuts or bulges in tyre or side walls, 1.6mm of tread over centre ¾ of width and all round the tyre’

Mike: ‘You learned that well’

Then it went downhill faster than a freewheeling bike down K2 (don’t know how it got up there in the first place like).

Steering (3 minors) – swerve before we even got off the test centre car park, then first left turn just outside test centre I clipped the kerb with the back tyre, later on we went round a mini roundabout and I seemed to be pushing the steering wheel round and round and round

Observation (1 of each) – failed to look left before starting forward on last bit of turn in the road (this was the only one I didn’t realise I’d done but I did know it wasn’t as neat as normal but he said it the actual turning was fine), apparently he was looking at me intently and on parallel parking I didn’t look round enough. I remember thinking where did that car come from as it whizzed by!

Control (1 serious) – parallel parking after aborting the first attempt the second attempt was worse and I was on the kerb, I didn’t even notice this as it was lowered for a drive at that point but did think we were awfully close to the two wheelie bins on the pavement. And this always goes really, really well on my lessons. Before we moved off he went into a detailed description of where to go next and then when he started to do it again even though I said I understood, I had to say ‘I live just behind these houses’, ‘Oh, so you know the area?’ Yes, I just can’t park in it. I thought you may have a little rubbish you wanted to dispose of.

Mirror, single, manoeuvre (1 minor) – signalled on a side road before I checked my mirrors

And then my piste de résistance...

Road markings (1 serious)

Mike: ‘I’d like you to turn right at the top of the road and head for the town centre’

The road we were on splits into three at the top with a join from the right just before the junction and has a box junction if that makes any sense at all.

I check my mirrors and indicate and then don’t move into the correct lane, realise because I notice it says Hard Lane in the middle lane and Town Centre in the right hand line in letters two feet high. I move over but we are half and half. Mike feels so concerned that he tells me I need to be careful. Later on the debrief he said there was a car behind us trying to go straight ahead, well couldn’t it wait.

Then as we turned there is a pelican crossing literally just after the junction, you’re still at an angle, and the lights were on amber so I had to stop for this.

Ten minutes before this I was thinking let’s just get back and get me out of the car.

So we travel back without any further faults but he felt the need to say as we drove into the test centre car park and the parking space straight ahead so no manoeuvring required ‘Just drive in slowly’, well Der!

Me: ‘So, when can I take it again?’

Mike: ‘So you know then.’

Me: Thinking ‘Well if you drive like that and think you’ve passed you should never be allowed on the road again or even in a dodgem’

Apparently he did wonder if I would stop at the crossing after the disastrous turn and was and I quote ‘impressed’ that I had.

Me: ‘Why, because I couldn’t see two foot high letters on the road’

Mike: ‘No, because there was a lot going on and the sun was really bright’

Dave, my instructor, looked more disappointed than me. I’d ruined his current passing streak of seven but he told me not to worry about that. He couldn’t believe the steering faults I’d made and the parallel parking mess.

In other news since 15:08 this afternoon we have a flushing unblocked toilet. It still needs another visit and we need to sort the modern equivalent of a ball cock out (maybe they made it more mechanical looking because the name was politically incorrect) but we can use it. Yea! Bernard said to the nice young drain cleaning specialist we had to call that it was my back log that had caused the back log!